I’ve been reading a couple of job ads (in Sweden) and here are some of the catchy ones:
- candidates should have many irons in the fire (ha många järn i elden…)
- Juggle many balls in the air…
- the position is a good match for those who enjoy being the spider in the web… (spindeln i nätet)…
I get the point – I know how simile works, yet, what it represents is quite unrealistic. It’s a big fat lie –“I can handle 10 tasks at the time! and stress? what stress? never heard of it… I can work under pressure and… Im flexible – because other people dont matter to me, and my life is all about my work. I want to be your modern day SLAVE! I enjoooooy being paid low salary because Im sooooooooo passionate about the job that I’ve become mental.
There! Someone’s spoken the truth!
More examples … Honourable mentions:
- “we are looking for a person who takes pleasure in waiting tables…(oh surly, we all do enjoy this job!)
- “we are looking for a person who enjoys working and thrives under pressure,…
- “We are looking for dedicated and experienced waiters with great sense of responsibility. You are passionate about service and quality and have high morale. You have at least five years of documented experience in servering and dining room work, a great passion for the profession and a passion for food and wine.
I can understand a great passion for food (who doesnt worship good, tasty food?) but a great passion for waiting tables? and 5 years of experience!? I mean the only missing thing is -“oh and please be young!” have experience and look fantastic and devote your youth to cleaning tables. Excellent job! where can I sign in?
And what’s with all that crap about thriving under pressure? who can really blossom under pressure? serial killers?! There should be a myndighet (Eng. gov. agency) to regulate and teach people how to write ads that don’t scream “WE ARE NUTS- work for us!”
I feel tempted to actually respond to those ads and write as requested: “oh yes sir, this job sounds fantastic. I have always wanted to be a spider, unfortunately, turned out a human baby. It’s been my dream to work in a highly stressful environment …
My source 0f inspiration: Arbetsförmedlingen (Employment agency in Sweden)
I like to browse job ads in UK. The difference in ads is huge:
“we are looking for someone interested in…., who is service-minded... (a job add for a trainee to an HR company in UK)
similar position in Sweden: “be a student, have experience, have a degree in HR, know how to …, and be a spider,… and be a bear,…and be a unicorn…
Let’s be honest – Unicorns don’t exist!